Burning Into Ashes
by Bethgreenewarriorprincess
Summary: In a different life, she could have loved him. If she had been different. Instead she thought she'd always be left burning into ashes. Carol and Tobin, Mature.
His eyes. That's what drew her to him, she decided. He was nothing like Ed. He was nothing like anyone she'd ever imagined herself with. But he had kind eyes and a ready smile and it seemed like he was always directing it at her. It had annoyed her at first.

"Aren't you sweet." She'd said on their first meeting when he'd been hospitable and kind to her on their arrival in this community. She hadn't meant it. Not then. She'd had an agenda when she arrived; to blend in and disappear while she got the lay of the land. She didn't need any unwanted attention.

No, she hadn't thought his advances were sweet until recently.

Maybe it was what had happened with the herd. Maybe it was her realization that things were never going to get any better than they were here at Alexandria. In the end though, she thought it was human need more than anything.

She couldn't give herself; not in that way. Not in the way that it mattered. She could sense that Tobin wanted more. She could tell in the longing in his gaze as he ran his hand over her arm. It sent gooseflesh cascading down her spine, but it did nothing to chill the fire that still simmered beneath the surface, the one that threatened to consume her.

It was a monstrous beast, this fire within that drove her to do things she didn't think herself capable of. She glanced at her own hands as they tentatively met his chest, looking up into his eyes as his closed in lust as she climbed into his lap where they'd settled on her bed, making out like two teenagers. This right here. This giving into physical urges and needs would be all she would be capable of. She knew this and she thought on some level he understood this too.

Something to do, to pass the time. His first touch was gentle, much like their first kiss shared on his front porch. He reached his hand out and traced one finger over her collarbone and then flicked open the first button on her blouse and after that it was pretty much a blur of clothing coming off and limbs getting positioned, shaky, foreheads pressed, whispered assurances in between kisses. Kisses where his tongue swept into her mouth.

"It's been a while." She whispered as she pulled away.

"It's okay. We'll go slow." She knew he meant what he said. But part of what _she'd_ said had been a lie. No there hadn't been anyone in forever. No one other than Ed had ever laid their hands on her and maybe that was the whole point.

Ed had never touched her with this reverence, this meticulous attention. His eyes had never darkened with lust as he parted her with care and gently teased her open, readying her for him. She thought she probably already was, her breathing was coming faster as his fingers worked her towards release. It found her within seconds. It had been a long time for that, too, she thought, maybe since the prison.

But with Tobin, it was better. Once she'd finally let herself catch her breath, she climbed back atop him, straddling his lap. She reached between them, her eyes coming up to meet his as her hands closed over his thick cock. She ached where his fingers had just been, yet with a flick of her wrist, she couldn't help stroking him a few times, enjoying listening to his ragged breathing.

"My God." He whispered. She moved closer, and let go of him, her legs coming to rest on either side of his hips as she lowered herself down onto him, pressing him against her aching core, and she was not quite prepared for the way he filled her up. She gasped into his neck as his hands gripped her hips firmly, pressing her fully into him, his length sheathed fully inside her.

"God you're beautiful." He rasped, his gaze awestruck, and she looked at him, mute for a moment.

Of all the things that had happened lately, it was a wonder to her that would be the thing that would bring tears to her eyes. Such kindness, such devotion, and it was all directed at her from his stare that really could only be described as adoring.

"You're sweet." She whispered and this time, she actually meant it as she rode him her strokes working them both toward that precipice.

It was a few moments later when he bucked his hips up into hers and she reached and held his hands to her hips as he spilled himself inside her, crying out at the end.

She thought that at least, later, when she was gone. She would have this. This tender, erotic moment shared with this beautiful man who was far too good for her. She could have loved him if she was different. If it weren't for the fire.

Maybe in another life. Another burned away past, that not even monsters like herself survive.

As they lay intertwined after, she laid and listened to his beating heart under her ear, the thrumming cadence lulling her off to sleep. She awoke an hour before dawn and rose quietly so as not to wake him.

She dressed silently and looked over her shoulder as she walked out the door, trying to memorize how he looked in sleep. Relaxed, youthful, sweet. Everything she could have wanted in this world could have been right here. But she just couldn't. Not anymore.

She closed the door behind her and walked out into the grey light of early morning. She lit a cigarette as she climbed into the car she'd decided to take. No one saw the wisp of silvery smoke as it curled up out the car window and over the roof. No one saw her go. She was just another ghost from their past, burned away into ashes.

 **Please be kind. I have a lot of feelings with regards to Carol and I am thrilled beyond belief that she found someone to appreciate her and who seems to adore her and truly care for her. I think if things were different, Carol could be happy for a change. But right now she won't let herself. I hope that you'll enjoy this story for what it is. A tribute to Carol; as a woman. As a warrior, as someone who needs love desperately and likely never really got it until Tobin came along. It's a beautiful thing. Thank you for letting me share it with you. Until next time, xoxoxo**


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